Ignite.

Firework by Katy Perry

"Do you ever feel
already buried deep
six feet under scream
but no seems to hear a thing

Do you that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light,
And let it shine
Just own the night
like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own"

In our pasts, we are not perfect. We make mistakes--it's inherent. It's how we learn from those mistakes that makes us grow and learn. People all around you seem perfectly content with themselves, which is mostly a lie. One deals with abuse, one with self-confidence from appearances, one with sexuality, one with cancer, one with mental illnesses, one with a little bit of everything. One of us, one of them, one of you, one of me, one of the world.

Everyday we take everything we have for granted. What if we had nothing? What if all we had was ourselves? Would we be content? Would the world be content? We ask ourselves everyday if the world will accept us. Will the world accept you? First things first, do you accept you? Everything about you is beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you different. Inner and outer beauty, happiness, love, friendship, faith, and a smile.

Which one are you going to spark yourself with? Can you show everyone what you're worth by the way you view yourself? Are you a "firework"? Will you be the inspiration someone else needs? Are your colors going to be bright enough?

Can you make a bang in the sky? Do you believe you can? If you believe you can, then I believe in you--and all we ask for is someone to believe in us.

Ignite yourself in the sky tonight...see how the world reacts. Be the firework that lights the sky.
See you there.

Taking Chances

"You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going to fast,
and maybe it's not meant to last.

"But what do you say to taking chances?
What do you say to jumping off the edge-
Never knowing if there's solid ground below,
or hand to hold,
or hell to pay?
What do you say?"

LIfe's all about taking chances, making mistakes, learning from observations and just simply living. I played the game, followed the rules and lost. I took the chance in trusting you and you let me fall. You NEVER extended that hand out to me in times of need. You just expected me to help you and that'd be it. I lie and say I'm over this - it doesn't bother me - all that junk, but its all be a complete lie. I can't even stand to be in the same room with you, you hurt me so much. Why did I have to believe it would all be okay again, just by what you told me? You gave me no proof to start trusting you then, and you're not going to be able to persuade me now.

But if I talk about it to anyone, I'm sensitive and more than likely gay - which is not the case. I hate all these dumb people in the world who treat poor innocent kids so awful because of their choice in who they search for to find love. I'm just so thrilled they actually find the love that those people who insult them will NEVER find.

Let's face it - I'm no longer tired of just high school or people. I'm tired of life. But I don't quit on things, and this "life" we all live is just simply a game of which I have to learn the rules all over again...

Until the final buzzer sounds,

Nostalgia

Sometimes, I just wish this all went away. I wish I had never been through this, wish I never met these people, wish I never went to that school. Wishing never gets you anywhere, anyway. The only thing that ever gets you somewhere in life is God, and even he only does it when you've got Faith.

The thing is, do you have faith? I sure have no idea what I have. I've believed in God all my life and I still don't quite think I've grasped all that God is. Of course, has anyone? Has anyone got this 'life' figured out, or what their purpose is on this earth? Have they figured out why they fight with one person, or why they come to a point in their lives that is SO low they see no good way out of it, so they just shoot themselves? Can you honestly ask yourself if you feel you are in the right place you are supposed to be, or do you have to lie even to yourself to get somewhere?

So many things just fill my head these days: peers committing suicide, the crapiest friends, the best friends, new friends, old friends, work, college, life, breathing, GOD! All of it just overwhelms me at times. So why do I think about it? Why do I take the next step and grow up and face responsibility? Why do I make things hard on myself now instead of waiting until later on in life when I may not even be ready then? Why don't I just become a careless teenager? Excuse me, "free-spirited"... Why? Because I've lived the disappointment of life, friends, family, the WORLD. I've lived in a time where all I really did have was God, and even then I didn't see him.

Right now, I'm so disappointed in the world that all I want IS God. I want someone who can't disappoint me or ditch me or replace me. I want someone who will honestly love me for me, with every fault and error that I make. I want someone that is not judgemental, or someone that isn't obsessed with ex-boyfriends; someone who can move on with their lives and not constantly talk about their 'significant' other.' Sad thing is, they were never 'significant' to begin with. More like disappointing.

Opening my eyes at the start of all this would have been the best solution. God always gives you the life lessons after you've been through the heart-ache. I guess that's when you understand the examples the best...

Making my own change,

I just don't understand...

I just don't understand what I keep doing wrong...

I'm sorry isn't enough...

All my life all I try to do for people is make them happy. My therapist says I'm a people pleaser, and there's nothing wrong with it. The problem lies in the people that I try to please. Reciprocation - the act of returning the caring, kind feelings that you are given. Yeah, guess what Sam HARDLY gets? Exactly. It's so hard to just do-do-do for people all the time and only get a few things done for me in return from one or two of my friends. It's such a depressing time, high school. I haven't really found myself smiling because I'm truly happy. It's all a big show to get everyone off my back. & now it seems like no one really would care how I felt. Don't lie, face the facts. I'm tired of this bull crap everyone plays on me.

I have a pretty big love for Christ, and I know that he's testing me with all this. But I'm not failing the test this time.

So I guess I'm here to say I'm sorry to a lot of people..

I'm sorry I'm a baby.
I'm sorry I cared.
I'm sorry I tried to put my everything into being there for you.
I'm sorry I was there for you anytime of the day you needed me.
I'm sorry I made you angry.
I'm sorry I was worried when you didn't talk to me.
I'm sorry I made you cry.
I'm sorry I crushed your ideas.
I'm sorry I wasn't really ever in a good mood.
I'm sorry I tried to talk to you about my feelings.
I'm sorry I made you something you aren't.
I'm sorry I got in the way of your relationships.
I'm sorry I've ruined your life.
I'm sorry I broke my promise.
I'm sorry I believed your promises.
I'm sorry I betrayed you.
I'm sorry I'm rude.
I'm sorry I made you leave our family.
I'm sorry I yell at you.
I'm just sorry for everything.

I'm done saving everyone else from themselves.
I'm done saving me.

I'm done.

Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching.
Smile, even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow;
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness;
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near;
That's the time you must keep on trying.
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life's still worthwhile
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying.
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Smile, though your heart is aching.
Smile, even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by.
That's the time you must keep on trying.
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
if you just...
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
if you just smile.

Change

Change is what happens when you need something new.
Change happens when you least expect it sometimes.
Change is all things that are modern.
Change is a new perspective on life.
Change is finding that one person who's there when you couldn't find them before.
Change is smiling.
Change is staying positive.
Change is dealing with the disappointments that make you stronger.
Change is a sunrise, and ultimately, the sunset.
Change is nature's beauty between seasons, and during.
Change is what you feel as you move from high school to college.
Change is finding that one song that reminds you about your life.
Change is becoming and adult.
Change is ultimately growing up, not down.
Change is maturity.
Change is decisiveness.
Change is how you plan to make something happen, not let it happen just on its own.
Change is sometimes unwanted.

I am change.

Autumn

Have you ever just stared out a window for the longest time and thought about nothing in particular? Or maybe you're like me, and have so many things flying through your brain you can't decipher what image goes with what thought, or which way is up or down. I can't get over God's beauty in the fall, with all the leaves changing colors from their regular greens to gorgeous reds, oranges and yellows. It makes me wonder if people normally go through cycles...you know the ones where they're really good, genorous people for a few months, then they get gorgeous and you can't stop looking at them, then they turn cold and barren. I think I've been stuck in this cold and barren state for a few years now, and I finally think the sun's going to come out to warm me up and let me grown some foilage again...but what do you know if a big storm cloud doesn't come to create havoc. My life is getting old right now. I'm tired of helping people through their problems with nothing in return. I'm just tired of everything. Maybe one day it'll all shapen up, but until then, I'll just be here in my spot by the window. Please, don't come in search of me...I'm still trying to find myself.

Keep Holding On

Keep Holding On

You're not alone,
Together we stand.
I'll be by your side,
I'll take your hand.

When it gets cold,
and feels like the end.
There's not place to go,
you know I won't give in.
No I won't give in.

Keep Holding On.
Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.
Just stay strong.
Cause you know I'm here for you,
I'm here for you.

There's nothing you can say,
nothing you can do.
There's no other way when it
comes to the truth, so.

Keep Holding On
Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.

So far away,
I wish you were here.
Before it's too late this could
all disappear.

Before the doors close,
it comes to an end.
With you by my side I will fight and defend,
I'll fight and defend.

Keep Holding On.
Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.
Just Stay Strong.
Cause you know I'm here for you,
I'm here for you.

There's nothing you can say,
nothing you can do.
There's no other way when it
comes to the truth, so.

Keep Holding On.
Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.

Hear me when I say,
when I say I believe.
Nothing's gonna change,
nothing's gonna change destiny.
Whatever's meant to be,
will work out perfectly.

Keep Holding On.
Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.
Just Stay Strong.
Cause you know I"m here for you,
I'm here for you.

There's nothing you can say,
nothing you can do.
There's no other way when it
comes to the truth, so.

Keep Holding On.
Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.

Keep Holding On.
Keep Holding On.

There's nothing you can,
nothing y ou can do.
There's no other way when it
comes to the truth, so.

Keep Holding On.
Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.

Here I Am

Here I Am

Here I am,

ready to help.

You've expressed that you need me,

I've even noticed that sad look on your face.

So let me get this right;

I'm your best friend?

Wow...that's amazing!

You'll be my new best friend too.

Our lives have been struggles from the beginning.

I know because we talk about it for hours,

and yet, you still seem distant,

but you assure that it's not that, just stress.

Ok, so stress,

that's what I'm good at.

No one knows stress like I do,

so such a perfect person to help you with yours.

The breakup approaches and you seek me out,

I tell you to communicate,

talk it all through,

and I think that maybe it'll all work.

The breakup happens,

and I'm still here,

we meet in the morning,

and we talk it all through.

Things go back to normal,

for you atleast.

Guess whose life I get to pick up the pieces for next?

My own.

We grow more distant,

I go to check on you,

and you tell me to give you a few,

so I wait.

Wait?

A few what?

I thought you said seconds,

now you need days?

As I sit back to wait,

watching from a far,

I know I can't do this,

but yet, here I am still.

I haven't written poetry in ages.