Ignite.

Firework by Katy Perry

"Do you ever feel
already buried deep
six feet under scream
but no seems to hear a thing

Do you that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light,
And let it shine
Just own the night
like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own"

In our pasts, we are not perfect. We make mistakes--it's inherent. It's how we learn from those mistakes that makes us grow and learn. People all around you seem perfectly content with themselves, which is mostly a lie. One deals with abuse, one with self-confidence from appearances, one with sexuality, one with cancer, one with mental illnesses, one with a little bit of everything. One of us, one of them, one of you, one of me, one of the world.

Everyday we take everything we have for granted. What if we had nothing? What if all we had was ourselves? Would we be content? Would the world be content? We ask ourselves everyday if the world will accept us. Will the world accept you? First things first, do you accept you? Everything about you is beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you different. Inner and outer beauty, happiness, love, friendship, faith, and a smile.

Which one are you going to spark yourself with? Can you show everyone what you're worth by the way you view yourself? Are you a "firework"? Will you be the inspiration someone else needs? Are your colors going to be bright enough?

Can you make a bang in the sky? Do you believe you can? If you believe you can, then I believe in you--and all we ask for is someone to believe in us.

Ignite yourself in the sky tonight...see how the world reacts. Be the firework that lights the sky.
See you there.

Taking Chances

"You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going to fast,
and maybe it's not meant to last.

"But what do you say to taking chances?
What do you say to jumping off the edge-
Never knowing if there's solid ground below,
or hand to hold,
or hell to pay?
What do you say?"

LIfe's all about taking chances, making mistakes, learning from observations and just simply living. I played the game, followed the rules and lost. I took the chance in trusting you and you let me fall. You NEVER extended that hand out to me in times of need. You just expected me to help you and that'd be it. I lie and say I'm over this - it doesn't bother me - all that junk, but its all be a complete lie. I can't even stand to be in the same room with you, you hurt me so much. Why did I have to believe it would all be okay again, just by what you told me? You gave me no proof to start trusting you then, and you're not going to be able to persuade me now.

But if I talk about it to anyone, I'm sensitive and more than likely gay - which is not the case. I hate all these dumb people in the world who treat poor innocent kids so awful because of their choice in who they search for to find love. I'm just so thrilled they actually find the love that those people who insult them will NEVER find.

Let's face it - I'm no longer tired of just high school or people. I'm tired of life. But I don't quit on things, and this "life" we all live is just simply a game of which I have to learn the rules all over again...

Until the final buzzer sounds,

Nostalgia

Sometimes, I just wish this all went away. I wish I had never been through this, wish I never met these people, wish I never went to that school. Wishing never gets you anywhere, anyway. The only thing that ever gets you somewhere in life is God, and even he only does it when you've got Faith.

The thing is, do you have faith? I sure have no idea what I have. I've believed in God all my life and I still don't quite think I've grasped all that God is. Of course, has anyone? Has anyone got this 'life' figured out, or what their purpose is on this earth? Have they figured out why they fight with one person, or why they come to a point in their lives that is SO low they see no good way out of it, so they just shoot themselves? Can you honestly ask yourself if you feel you are in the right place you are supposed to be, or do you have to lie even to yourself to get somewhere?

So many things just fill my head these days: peers committing suicide, the crapiest friends, the best friends, new friends, old friends, work, college, life, breathing, GOD! All of it just overwhelms me at times. So why do I think about it? Why do I take the next step and grow up and face responsibility? Why do I make things hard on myself now instead of waiting until later on in life when I may not even be ready then? Why don't I just become a careless teenager? Excuse me, "free-spirited"... Why? Because I've lived the disappointment of life, friends, family, the WORLD. I've lived in a time where all I really did have was God, and even then I didn't see him.

Right now, I'm so disappointed in the world that all I want IS God. I want someone who can't disappoint me or ditch me or replace me. I want someone who will honestly love me for me, with every fault and error that I make. I want someone that is not judgemental, or someone that isn't obsessed with ex-boyfriends; someone who can move on with their lives and not constantly talk about their 'significant' other.' Sad thing is, they were never 'significant' to begin with. More like disappointing.

Opening my eyes at the start of all this would have been the best solution. God always gives you the life lessons after you've been through the heart-ache. I guess that's when you understand the examples the best...

Making my own change,